are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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