Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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