Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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