You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
