I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
