my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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