youre lurking in front of me
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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