I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wish there were birth control emojis
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
