Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize