I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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