he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
