Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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