Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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