Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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