i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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