covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
