let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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