I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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