apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
