I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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