Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
