My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
