I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
