Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
