Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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