yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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