nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
