i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
now i know why i became what i already was.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
