you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
