Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
