Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
