what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
