sarcasm needs its own font
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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