I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i think my cat just said my name.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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