I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize