I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How does one acquire holy water?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
