Fine. I'll sleep in my office
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
