I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
