i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
