honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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