I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
