This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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