i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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