have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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