What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
