Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
