Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Randomize
