He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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