what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
