So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
