U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
