Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
