I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
