last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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