I would go down on you faster than GM stock
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
