Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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