This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
