My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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