i just wanna soil my oats bro
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
