Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
