WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
