I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
