dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
