I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
