Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
