Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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